The Country Woman and Her Gun

A stray dog showed up in our yard this week. It was a nice looking collie.

Except we don’t need another dog. The one we have is plenty.

Since all animals think our yard is a nice place to move to, I had to scare it off. Which for Country Woman, means getting out the bb gun.

Getting out the bb gun means I have to find it first.

Ok, I found the gun. Right where I thought it was. ha!

Now, to find the bb’s.

Since I haven’t had my bb gun out in at least 2 years, which would make my youngest 7 or 8 then, I kept the bb’s in a different spot than the gun.

hmmm……they weren’t where I thought I left them. So I kept searching.

Yeah, finally found them in the vicinity of where the gun was stored. How’d that happen?! I’m sure I didn’t leave them there. Maybe my husband had used the gun at some point and left the bb’s there.

O well. On to loading. um……it won’t open for me to put the bbs in. I know I’m trying to open it at the right spot. I’ll just have to read the directions. It has been at least 2 years since I’ve used my trusty bb gun, remember?

So I start looking for the directions. I open the file cabinet and look in the “Linda” file. Nope, not there. I decide it must be in the “Warranties” file. So I pull out the file that is at least 6 inches thick. (We won’t talk about how we don’t even own half the stuff in the file anymore, ok?!)

So as I’m flipping through the file, I hear one of the kids yell from the other room “The kidnapper would have killed us by now!” Then all four kids burst out laughing. Very loudly.

I finally found the instructions for the bb gun. And read them! Ah, the gun has to be cocked with the safety on before the bb chamber will open. What?! That seems stupid to me. Why can’t I load bb’s without cocking the gun?

So I am finally ready to go outside. I walk through the living room towards the front door, and one of the kids yells  “Look out! She’s got a gun! Crazy lady with a gun!“

I almost didn’t make it to the door because I was laughing so hard!

The stray has now decided to lay directly in front of the door. As in practically touching the front door.

I finally get out of the front door, and succeed in scaring the stray away. For a little while. I had to go out a second time. When the dog saw me this time, it ran away.

Wouldn’t you run if you saw a crazy Country Woman headed in your direction with a gun?!

*No, I did not hurt the dog. I just scared it away, I do not trust stray dogs around the kids. And since we live in the country we get lots of drop offs. And since we live in the country, there is no shelter to take them to. The kindest thing I can for the dog is to scare it way.