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The Sandwich Generation – You’re taking care of your parent at home. And taking care of your children at the same time. This can lead to wondering if you are doing the right thing for everyone.

Then there is the guilt. You feel guilty for not being able to do everything for your children, and have them do the activities and fun stuff that they want to do. You feel guilty for not being able to do everything you can to meet your parent’s needs.

The Sandwich Generation – When is it Too Much?

At some point, it is all going to be too much. Your kids may start showing signs that you are not spending enough time with them.

At some point, your parent is going to require more hands on care, and more medical treatments than you can handle at home.

We all are only human, with only 24 hours in each day, and have to sleep at night.

At some point, you are going to have to say you can no longer do it all, then something has to change.

That change will vary from family to family. You may be able to hire someone to come in to take care of your parent, to meet their needs. That will free up your time to spend with your children.

In-home care is expensive, though. You may not be able to afford to pay for it. Or your parent may need more care than even a home care worker can give. In that case, your only option may be a nursing home.

That’s when even more guilt tries to attack you. You feel that you should be able to take care of your parent yourself. The most important thing is to make sure your parent gets the care they need and deserve. If their needs are being met, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Telling your parent that you can no longer care for them is hard. But at some point, it will be a necessary conversation.

It is heartbreaking to know that you can not meet the needs of your parent, and have no choice but to place them in a nursing home.

Please know that you are not alone. My husband and I are at that point, too. We know the guilty feeling. We are choosing to concentrate on how to best meet our parents needs. If that is nursing home care, then we have nothing to feel guilty about. And neither do you!

Stop by and read these other posts that I have written:The Sandwich Generation and The Sandwich Generation – Making Decisions.

Here are a few books that you might find helpful.

*This post contains affiliate links. If you click the links, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

*This post contains affiliate links

You can read my first post about The Sandwich Generation for a little background information about my family.

There are so many decisions that have to be made when a parent gets older and can no longer do everything for themselves.

Here are just a few questions to think about when preparing to care for ones parents.

The Sandwich Generation Making Decisions

Are they going to stay in their own home, or move in with one of their children?

Will they need in home care? Just help with housework and meals? For bathing a couple of times a week? Full time, 24 hour a day care? If you have to hire someone, who will pay for it?

Do they need nursing home care? Who is going to pay for it?
Do they have enough resources to pay for it themselves?
Or insurance that will pay for it?
Did you know that Medicare doesn’t pay for long term nursing home stays? Medicaid has many rules about when they will pay for a nursing home, basically, the patient has to be down to $2,000 in assets before they will pay. Which means they will have to sell their home.

Believe it or not, those are the easy questions.

The hard questions pertain to how to best meet the needs and wants of the elderly parent, while trying to meet the needs and wants of your own family, at the same time.

Does your parent want to remain in their own home? Or do they prefer to move to a nursing home?  How will having your parent move into your home, affect your family?

You may want to take care of your parent at home, but they are adamant about going into a nursing home. Or they may be adamant about staying in their home, and you are unable to care for them yourself there.

All of these questions are hard to answer. The answers will vary from person to person and family to family.

It can feel so overwhelming when you are in the midst of making all these decisions.

Which is where we now are.

Thankfully, most of these decisions do not have to be made all at one time. Unless it is an emergency situation, you should have time to make some or all of these decisions.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of questions to ask your parent and yourself. Your parent and your family may have different situations and needs. Most families do.

My goal in sharing this is to let you know you are not alone. There is not one right way of caring for an elderly parent while caring your your own family. Hopefully, this list will help you find the right way for you.

Here are a few books that you might find helpful.

*This post contains affiliate links. If you click the links, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.