At Stake in 2012
Where do we go from here? And how do we get there?
Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.
—Proverbs 4:7, nkjv

Never has our nation faced a time of upheaval and tension such as this. Since Election Day 2008 we have endured a near implosion of our financial foundation with widespread collateral damage in the form of a continuing recession; a subdued, chugging, and burping economic recovery; unemployment that remains painfully close to the 10 percent threshold; real estate values that have yet to find their bottom let alone begin to mount any form of substantial rebound; bailouts; layoffs; massive deficits as far as the eye can see; a lecture from the media elite that our civic discourse isn’t civil enough, conveniently after their candidate was elected to the White House—recall how dissent was the highest form of patriotism, but apparently only until January 19, 2009—and the cherry on the bad-news sundae in the form of a tin-eared administration that responds to
the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression by ramming a multi-trillion-dollar socialized medicine new
entitlement down the throats of the American people.

It is hard now to decide what the larger insult added to injury was: the repugnant charade committed by Nancy
Pelosi, Harry Reid, and the rest of the Democrat-majority Congress under the name “deem and pass,” or the blatant hypocrisy across the county from the summer of 2009 and early 2010 as the talking heads of the media slandered the Tea Party with vulgar remarks night after night on television.

In hindsight, maybe we shouldn’t be shocked by anything this administration has done since taking office. They stated with vivid clarity near the end of the campaign season their intent not to “let a serious crisis go to waste.” And indeed they wasted no time concocting their “Stimulus Bill,” a moniker so breathtakingly steeped in Orwellian double-speak you had to wonder if they themselves ever wonder, “Can we really get away with this?”
They certainly did, and it’s quite challenging to arrive at any conclusion other than the political Left of the United States viewed their stimulus plan as their chance to raid the public treasury with the same reckless abandon they utterly wrongly ascribed to their political foes on the right during the Bush years, and specifically during the War on Terror following the September 11 terror attacks. Make no mistake—the political Left in the United States shrieked for more than six years in all their Bush derangements syndrome glory against the fraud and opportunism they accused the Bush administration of in response to the 9/11 terror attacks—and then turned around and did the exact same thing in reaction to the financial crisis of late 2008 and the ensuing recession that defined the first few years of the Obama administration.

Within that time span there was also the Obama Apology Tour in which the president attempted to curry favor with every left-wing goon around the world by attempting to apologize for everything the Bush administration had done. One wonders how the free people in Iraq felt about that apology, while popular uprisings across the Middle East hear not the first whisper from Washington in support of their calls for democracy. They must all wonder how the priorities of the United States got so far out of whack so fast.

And now we look ahead at what’s before us . . .

• What sort of economic fallout will there be in the years after huge deficits resulting from the economic stimulus?
• How will the freedom movements in the Middle East shake out in the long term?
• In the near term, will the instability of the Middle East and the corresponding spiking of oil prices completely derail the global economic recovery?
• How many candidates will join the fray for the Republican nomination? Will we be choosing between Newt and Sarah? Will Jeb Bush jump in?
• What kind of all-out blitz will the country be subjected to for the reelection of Obama, considering the raid on history the Left pulled just to get Obama in office the first time?
• Will the recovery have legs and start blooming jobs by the time the summer of 2012 rolls around?
• Or will there be some kind of double-dip, the recovery dragged down by the massive deficits and municipal debt at the state level or the slow-to-recover commercial real estate market?
• Will there finally be an energy policy grounded in innovation?
• And how much more spreading around of other people’s wealth will we have to endure before our economy gets back on a solid footing of competitiveness and growth?

As believers, we know to take our cares and concerns with thanksgiving and petition our Lord in prayer. And as
we said in the run-up to 2008, the first thing Christians must do is pray. Pray that the Lord will raise up godly
candidates whose values are based on biblical principles and who will govern in a way that is in agreementwith God’s wisdom and honors the blessings God has given. And encourage others to pray as well.

Second, stay informed of where the candidates stand on the critical issues highlighted for you in this book.
Third, get involved. Speak up in support of candidates who hold biblically based positions on key issues.
Fourth, if you aren’t registered to vote, register now, while there’s still time to vote in the important elections
this fall.
Fifth, contribute financially to the campaigns of candidates you support.
Finally, cast your vote accordingly. May the new president we elect in November of 2012 be a godly, wise
servant of this wonderful nation who will lead us into a rich, wondrous future.

A storm the size of Texas brews when Gloria Powell and Kai Chang meet in a Ft. Worth hotel. They have come to discuss the future of Lily, the daughter Gloria adopted from China and the sister Kai hopes to reclaim. Kai is a doctor who had to give up her little sister during the Cultural Revolution and has since discovered that an inherited genetic defect may be waiting to fatally strike Lily.

Gloria’s relationship with her daughter is tattered and strained, and the arrival of Kai, despite the woman’s apparent good intentions, makes Gloria fearful. Gloria longs to restore her relationship with Lily, but in the wake of this potentially devastating diagnosis, is Kai an answer to prayer–or will her arrival force Gloria to sacrifice more than she ever imagined?

August 1889

Kate Muldoon, I simply can’t understand why you haven’t found yourself a husband among all the eligible men in this town.” Sarah picked up a book from the bedside table in Kate’s room. “You’re twenty-three now, and hiding yourself away to read and study all the time will not help you find the right man.”

Kate grabbed the book from her sister-in-law, who had wandered into her room for a chat. As usual, the talk had turned to men. “I don’t need a man,” Kate declared.

“How can you say that?” Sarah gasped.

Kate shook her head. Marriage and family ranked last in the things she wanted out of life right now. Kate fought against the swelling tide of anger that had landed her in trouble on more than one occasion. Why did everyone think a woman’s only role was that of a wife and mother? Sarah meant well, but then she loved living on a ranch and taking care of her husband Donavan Muldoon. Sarah believed everyone should be in love, as did her other sisters-in-law.

Once again Kate tried to explain. “Sarah, I do not intend to marry a rancher or anyone connected with cattle. I was born on a ranch, grew up on a ranch, and have lived around cattle and horses all my life so far, and I don’t plan on spending the rest of it on one.” Despite her love of horses and riding, the ranch held no pull or fascination for her as it once did when she was younger. Kate hugged her textbook to her chest. “Why do you think I’ve studied everything about Florence Nightingale and nursing and moved into town to help Aunt Mae?”
Sarah waved her hand airily, dismissing Kate’s plans. “I don’t know about that, but I do know Auntie Mae’s boardinghouse is full of men who are not ranchers. Why, there’s my cousin Seth who just moved out here to pastor our church, and then there’s Doc Jensen’s nephew who came to town to assist his uncle with the infirmary. They’re both unattached. Sometimes I think you’re just too picky.”

Picky wasn’t exactly the word Kate would choose, but preachers and doctors held no interest for her other than as people she could work with. She did enjoy working with Doc Jensen and his nephew, Elliot Jensen, but they were teaching her to be a nurse. Besides, Elliot wasn’t really a friendly sort even if he did have an excellent bedside manner with his patients.
Kate sighed. Her sister-in-law was raised in an upperclass family in Boston, where the entire focus of her life in the last few years had been on her whirlwind romance, marriage to Donavan, then moving to Texas and having Jeremy. How could she possibly understand Kate’s dreams? “I’m learning all I can about nursing and treatments so I can work more with Doctor Jensen,” she explained with as much patience as she

could muster. “He lets me help with some of the lighter cases and says I’m getting good at recognizing symptoms. Besides, I was thinking that the preacher would make a wonderful match for Erin.”

Sarah brightened at the thought. “That might not be a bad idea now that she is of marrying age. Erin would be a good wife for Seth and a good mother for their little ones. She loves little Jeremy and has been a big help to me in taking care of him.” She turned to leave. “I’ll look for you Sunday at church and then afterward for dinner out at the ranch. Now I need to rescue Auntie Mae from Jeremy.”

As if Aunt Mae needed rescuing. Kate waved her hand in the air to say good-bye. Dinner with the Muldoon clan meant much food and lots of laughter, but it also meant another boring afternoon listening to talk of cattle drives and auctions and horses by the men, and talk of babies and mothering by the women—none of which held any interest whatsoever for Kate.
Three older brothers—Brody, Donavan, and Ian—had ranches of their own, and that’s all they talked about. The fourth older brother, Cory, had his sights set on being a lawman and had moved into town to be a deputy for Marshal Slade. Erin, the baby of the family, still lived on the ranch. She’d just turned nineteen and was by far the prettiest of the Muldoon clan.
Kate welcomed Cory’s company and his presence at the boardinghouse. At least he wasn’t interested in finding a bride, and he didn’t pester her about finding a mate. He had his sights set on being a marshal himself one day and figured that job too dangerous to take a wife. Kate snorted. So it was OK

for a man to be unmarried and pursue his dreams, but not a woman.
She laid aside her book and sauntered down to the hallway to find the mail from Aunt Mae’s boarders. One of her jobs at Aunt Mae’s included taking care of the mail. With a start, she realized she’d have to hurry to get there before the afternoon train arrived.

One afternoon train from the west would be picking up mail headed for the East Coast. An earlier train had dropped off its delivery, and that mail waited for her now at the post office. Ever since the railroads had been completed, Kate had seen more men coming to town to work the ranches around the area as well as find their own land and start farming or ranching. All the land around Porterfield belonged to ranchers

and farmers, but in a state as big as Texas, there seemed to be plenty of land to go around.

She donned her wide-brimmed straw hat to ward off the sun’s rays and hurried out to complete her task. The Grayson General Store and Post Office beckoned her to hurry. The train would be here any minute. Her feet kicked up puffs of dust as she walked. Her shoes would need a good cleaning later, but she didn’t mind as she enjoyed the four-block walk to the general store that housed the post office.

When Kate stepped into the store, the balding proprietor grinned and tilted his head. “Is that mail from the boarders at your aunt’s house?”

Kate plopped the letters on the counter along with coins

for stamps. “Yes, it is.”

Mr. Grayson affixed a two-penny stamp to each envelope. “How many boarders are there now?”

Kate closed her eyes to vision the count. “Counting Cory and me, there’s eight. All but one of the rooms is filled, and Aunt Mae is happy as a lark. For some reason, men come to this town, like it, and stay.”
Mrs. Grayson joined her husband. Her blue eyes sparkled as she gazed at Kate. “And when are you going to choose one of these men here for your own?”
Heat rose in Kate’s cheeks. Everyone thought they had to ask that question. “I don’t plan on marrying anytime soon. I’m studying to be a nurse, and besides, who’d help Aunt Mae take care of the house and all the meals if I wasn’t around?”

The plump, rosy-cheeked Mrs. Grayson laughed. “She’d do fine without you, and I’ve seen how Mr. Fuller over at the bank looks at her. Wouldn’t surprise me if she takes a husband one of these days.”
“That’s hard for me to imagine.” The very idea of her aunt with another man after the love she shared with Uncle Patrick caused Kate’s insides to quiver like the branches of a justfelled tree. Aunt Mae did have a few of the men, including Mr. Fuller, looking her way, but she paid them no mind. If Aunt Mae did decide to marry, Kate wouldn’t interfere, but she’d have no part in bringing about that possibility.
As soon as Mr. Grayson dropped the envelopes into the outgoing mail bag, he headed outside and toward the depot. Mrs. Grayson handed her mail from the boardinghouse box. “Thank you.” Kate slid the envelopes into her pocket and wiggled her fingers at Mrs. Grayson. “Bye, now. It’s time to get things started for dinner at Aunt Mae’s.”
On her way back to the boardinghouse, the idea of Aunt Mae marrying danced through her head. Would Aunt Mae give up running the boardinghouse if she married? Kate knew how much her aunt loved visiting with the boarders and preparing their meals. It was impossible to think of her ever leaving the place. Certainly she had found her calling, and for once in this town it didn’t focus only on being a wife and keeping house! Still, when Uncle Patrick was alive, Aunt Mae had combined being a wife and managing all those boarders without much trouble. Perhaps Kate could do the same sometime in the far distant

future.
Daniel Monroe finished his letter and sealed it in an envelope. In a few days he’d leave for the greatest adventure of his life, and he wanted Seth to know when to expect him. He reread the post from his friend telling him that the mayor was more than willing for Daniel to come to Porterfield, Texas, and practice

law as they had no lawyers in the town. If lawyers were needed in Porterfield, then that’s where he’d head.

Seth Winston had gone to Texas last year to pastor the church where his cousin Sarah and her family were members. The idea of going to Porterfield had grown more appealing as Seth had described it when he’d returned to Briar Ridge for his sister Rachel’s wedding this past spring. True, Texas was a long way from Connecticut, but images of the untamed West and all the adventures Daniel could have outweighed the

distance.
He envisioned cowboys, gunfights, saloon brawls, and train robberies. The tales he’d heard about Texas rolled through his mind in an endless stream of pictures. All the action and excitement sounded much better than the quiet town of Briar Ridge where he spent most of his time writing wills and taking care of legal documents for land sales or contracts for service. He’d already reassigned all his clients to other lawyers in

Briar Ridge, and none had truly complained, which only served to emphasize the fact that he wasn’t really needed here. Daniel cleaned out his desk and put it all in a box to carry home. He planned to have the desk, a gift from his parents, shipped to Texas with him. Now all he had to do was purchase his train ticket and say good-bye to family and friends. Since his parents, especially his mother, didn’t approve the move, he didn’t expect a going-away party.

Father seemed on the verge of understanding Daniel’s desire to travel to new frontiers and make a life for himself. Mother, on the other hand, wouldn’t and couldn’t accept the fact that her only son wanted to leave home and move thousands of miles away. His sister, Abigail, would hardly speak to him, but that did not keep Daniel from making arrangements to leave. After his twenty-fifth birthday last month, the desire

for a change came over him, and Texas seemed the best place to do just that.
On the way home he stopped at the depot and purchased a ticket that would begin his trip. He’d have stops in Philadelphia, St. Louis, Oklahoma City, and Dallas before the last leg of the journey to Porterfield.
The ticket agent handed Daniel his passage. “That’s a mighty long trip. I take it you’re heading out West to join Seth Winston. I can see the need for a preacher out west, but what’s a fancy lawyer like yourself going to do there?”

Daniel laughed. His mother had asked the same question. “Not sure, but I hope to help tame some outlaws.” How he’d do that he had no idea, but it sounded good when he said it.

“Well, now, just don’t go and get yourself shot by one of ’em.”
“I don’t plan to, Mr. Colley.” He tipped his hat and walked back out to his rig. At least he knew how to ride a horse well. With all his many long trips to Hartford by horseback, he figured he’d have no trouble riding in Texas. The rig today was simply a convenience for carting home his personal belongings from his office. Tomorrow the desk would be crated and shipped westward.

He entered the foyer of the comfortable, two-story home he still shared with his family. At his age, many other men had places of their own, but Ellie’s cooking and the free lodging had tempted him to stay.
After handing over his hat to Stevens the butler, Daniel turned toward the voices he heard in the drawing room on his left. He knocked then pushed open the doors. “Good evening, Mother, Father.”

His mother stood and hurried to him. She wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, Daniel, please tell me you’ve changed your mind and are staying in Briar Ridge. I can’t bear for you to leave us.”

He patted her back and glanced at his father, who simply lifted his gray bushy eyebrows and shrugged. He turned back to his mother. “I’m sorry you feel this way, Mother, but I purchased my train ticket on the way home this evening and will leave the beginning of next week.”
She pushed away from him and held a handkerchief to her nose. “I simply can’t believe it. I don’t understand why you have to go all the way to Texas to practice law. New Haven and Hartford are much closer. Why, even Boston would be better than way out West.”

“We have a multitude of fine barristers in the cities here in the East. As I’ve said many times, this will give me the opportunity to travel and see what is happening in the rest of our great country.” No matter how many times he explained, his mother would never truly understand his desire to move on. She had grown up in this town, as had his father, and she would never leave it or her beautiful home.
Stevens appeared in the doorway. “Mr. and Mrs. Monroe, dinner is served.”
Mother hooked her hand into Daniel’s arm. “Thank you, Stevens. Tell Ellie we’ll be right in.” She patted Daniel’s hand now resting on hers. Although she held her head high, he noted the slight tremor in her voice as she spoke. “I had Ellie prepare your favorite meal tonight. She’ll be serving all your favorites until your departure.” She swallowed hard as she walked beside Daniel into the dining room.
Daniel’s younger sister, Abigail, bounded down the stairs but stopped short when she saw her parents and Daniel. Her next steps were much more sedate. “Good evening, Daniel. I didn’t know you were home.”

Father waited to escort her into dinner. “And what is your great hurry, my dear girl? Is Ellie’s food that tempting?”

“No, Father, I’m just happy about my trip to see Rachel and Nathan in Hartford next week. I haven’t seen her since the wedding, and I’m anxious to visit and talk with her.”

Daniel assisted his mother in her chair at the table. “I’m sure you two will have much to talk about. What’s it been? Two, three months since the wedding?”
She turned to glare at him. A month ago she wouldn’t have minded the teasing, but since his decision to leave, she had been less than sisterly. “Three, if you must count, but it may as well be three years.” Abigail dismissed him and turned to her mother. “I truly miss having Rachel here in Briar Ridge.”

Father held her chair while she seated herself. He bent and brushed his lips across her hair. “Then I’m glad you will have this chance to visit Rachel in Hartford.”

After his father said grace, Ellie brought in a platter emanating the most delicious aroma. His favorite roast beef as Mother had promised. Along with it came perfectly creamed potatoes, buttered asparagus, carrots, fresh baked bread, and his favorite sweet pickles. “What, no soup tonight?”

Mother pressed her lips together. “You said you didn’t care for soup at every meal, and since this is your meal, we skipped it.”

“Thank you, I prefer to fill up on the main course and not the first one.” He glanced over at Abigail, who scrunched up her nose as the asparagus was passed to her. “Not to worry, dear sister, after I’m on my way to Texas, you won’t have to worry about asparagus. Ellie only cooks it because she knows how much I like it.”

“Humph, that will be one good aspect of your leaving.” She placed two stalks on her plate and handed the bowl to their father.

As his parents began discussing their day, he noted the total lack of reference to his leaving the coming Monday. His mother believed if she ignored it, that perhaps it wouldn’t really happen. Father cast a wistful eye Daniel’s way a few times, as though he wanted to talk with his son. Perhaps after dinner he and Father could have a conversation.
Daniel gazed around at the opulent surroundings. Sparkling crystal, fine china, silver cutlery, and damask table cloth and napkins reminded him of his parent’s wealth. He would find nothing like this in Texas.
Then he glanced again at his mother and swallowed a lump in his throat along with a bite of potato. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he could see in her face and the way she only moved the food around her plate without actually eating it that he had done just that.

How could he make her understand his desire to move away and seek a new life? Somehow between now and Monday he must convince her that God had called him to the frontier. He had spent many hours in prayer over this move, and now he gladly embraced the future and all it held in the grand state of Texas.

Everyone Worries, Don’t They?

There is a great difference between worry
and concern.  A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.

Harold Stephens

Everyone worries, don’t they? Maybe, but that does not mean it is good for us! At the risk of sounding like a mom, I’ll say that just because everyone is doing it, does not mean we should. To believe worry happens and it cannot be stopped or controlled is wrong thinking! Our physical, emotional and spiritual health depends on dealing with worry the proper way.

You see, worry feeds on itself. It devours the soul and makes life miserable. It wastes a great deal of time and effort that could be applied elsewhere. Worry takes us down a negative path that typically ends in anxiety and distress, a path most of us want to avoid. And while we cannot change the facts associated with our worry, we can change our decision to worry. Worry invades our thoughts, but we decide if we will focus on it.

So the question is, is worry something we accept as a given and try to manage, or is it something from which we can be free? The answer is yes. Yes, we can learn to manage our worries. We can schedule a worry time each day, write down our worried thoughts, and do much more to manage it. Any therapist will tell you that worry can be managed. That is our job. We have an arsenal of tools that includes medications and behavioral strategies to help manage it. But is this the best we can do?

A better goal is to rid our lives of worry and learn to cultivate a life of peace and contentment. Personally, I am opting for a worry-free life, one that allows me to break away from the worry habit. Managing worry is too time-consuming and depressing. I have done it many times in my life. But from my faith perspective, managing worry is like managing adultery—both are just plain wrong and need to be stopped.

Like any habit, worry can be broken. To do so will take patience, intention, and understanding. We must pay attention to our bodies, examine our thinking, and look closely at our feelings. This means challenging the notion that worry simply happens and there is nothing we can do about it. There is much we can do about it, which is the focus of this book.

One of the reasons we hang on to worry is because it is easy to do. Worry helps us avoid the reality of the moment. It pulls our attention to an illusory world and allows us to disconnect for a short time. Although we may not be aware of it, a purpose is served when we worry. This is why it is so attractive.

In addition, most of us are good at worry. We have had many opportunities to practice. Worry has become a normal way of operating in our day-to-day living. It is like drinking our morning coffee, a habit we perform regularly without giving it much thought.

So here is the deal—you can worry and try to manage it, or you can choose to eliminate it from your life. The choice is yours. This book will focus on letting go of worry, not managing it. It will look at worry holistically and give you exercises at the end of each chapter to help you release it.

In order to say goodbye to worry, we begin by understanding the not-so-obvious but important difference between concern and worry. It is fine to be concerned about any number of issues, but not so fine to worry about them. Concern and worry are different.

What is worry?

The word worry is related to the ancient German word wurgen, meaning “to strangle.” Now there is a pleasant thought. Any word that has such a negative root cannot be good for us! Worry strangles the life out of us! It certainly feels that way when we worry. Worry is defined as “something or someone that causes anxiety; a source of unhappiness.” It includes both how we feel and think.

The word’s meaning has changed a bit through the centuries. Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines worry as “to disturb, to tease, to harass, to weary.” Today’s Webster says to worry means to harass, to annoy, or to bother. As a noun, worry refers to a state of mind; anxiety; distress; care; uneasiness. In other words, worry involves a state of mind and engages our mental process, leading to anxious feelings or an anxious state.

Thus, worry is a way to think, a mental habit. And this mental habit leads to feeling anxious. The focus of worry is typically future events where there is uncertainty about the outcome. To the worrier, the future is perceived as potentially negative, which creates feelings of anxiety.

Based on these definitions, are you beginning to see that worry is not associated with good things? Strangling, distress, disturbance, anxiety—not exactly the words we want to describe our behavior or thoughts! And certainly not words we associate with peace and calm.

Lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my…

In the famous movie The Wizard of Oz, our heroine, Dorothy, cautiously proceeds down the yellow brick road searching for the Wizard, unsure of what she might encounter. Word is that lions, tigers and bears lurk in the dark of the forest, waiting to pounce on Dorothy and her companions. Concerned, Dorothy asks, “Do you suppose we’ll meet any wild animals?” The Scarecrow answers, “Mm, we might. Animals that eat straw?” The Tin Woodman replies, “Some, but mostly lions, and tigers, and bears.”

Dorothy, a stranger to the land, has no way of knowing how real or unreal the threat of attack is. She responds with her now famous “Lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my…” Was that an “oh my…” of concern or worry? What is the difference between being concerned versus worried?

Both concern and worry involve thinking, taking energy to focus on important issues. Yet they are distinctly different. Concern is normal and natural. In her travels, Dorothy does not know what to expect and is asking questions. She is in a strange land and making a long journey to an unknown destination. What might be on the road ahead?

Worry, on the other hand, is destructive, unhealthy, and misplaced. Worried thoughts focus on negativity and the what- ifs in life. Whereas concern moves us forward, worry keeps us stuck. Worry is the Scarecrow paralyzed by fear. He does not want to move on down the road—what if the animals eat straw?

Concern involves caring and meeting a need. Concern is the Tin Woodman reassuring the Scarecrow that while there might be wild animals that eat straw, it is unlikely, and there is a bigger goal—finding the Wizard. In other words, Scarecrow, it is not all about you and the slight possibility of being eaten. Stop looking for trouble and start thinking about finding the Wizard!

Concern comes out of a maturity and growth. It involves the ability to see reality, feel empathy or compassion, and care about others. Concern says, we are in the forest, let’s take precautions but not lose our cool. Keep moving down the yellow brick road and solve problems when and if they materialize. Dorothy gets it, and she mobilizes the group to action.

Worry, on the other hand, is pointless and immobilizing. It circles the same problem with no real solution or control over what is happening. Most often it leads to anxiety.

In fact, worry causes more problems. It distracts from the goal, gets in the way of our destination, disrupts our plans, and creates havoc along the way. But concern prompts action that is in our control and works to solve the problem. It allows us to focus on a problem with the intent to do something about it.

Consider these comparisons between worry and concern. They will help you examine your thoughts and feelings:

WORRY CONCERN

Circles the problem Solves the problem

Brings inaction Brings action

Feels out of control Takes control where possible

Distracts from the problem Focuses on the problem

Disrupts a plan Puts forth a plan

Concern is normal—worry needs to be eliminated

Once we understand the difference between concern and worry, it is freeing. It is normal to be concerned about life, people, and circumstances. We care about others and plan for the future. However, what we do with normal concerns is important. The temptation is to allow them to become times of worry. This example illustrates the difference between someone who is genuinely concerned and someone who is worried.

When Bill lost his job, he felt terrible. There were bills to pay and mouths to feed. Without an income, there would soon be a problem for his family. Instead of worrying about what could happen if he failed to find employment, Bill immediately applied for new positions. He updated his resume, worked his contacts, and stayed active and positive looking for a new job. His appropriate concern over losing his job spurred him on. He realized the consequences and took action. And that is what concern does—gets us to focus on the here and now and not be distracted by the negatives of a situation. Concern also helps us plan and move forward. It does not disrupt our plans or keep us stuck.

A worried Bill would have acted differently. Worried Bill would have been up all night, rehearsing the possibilities of debt while feeling paralyzed by fear. Mentally, he would be thinking about what he could have done to avoid losing his job. While this might have been productive if it had changed his behavior for future employment and brought clarity to his job loss, all worried Bill does is focus on those things he cannot control—the terrible job market, his age and ability to compete with younger colleagues, finding a salary commensurate with his experience, and so on. Panic sets in, and worried Bill believes there is too much working against him. He is immobilized by worry—stuck. Anxiety overtakes him, and he makes no moves forward.

When you are concerned, you live in the moment but do not ignore the realities of life. You see problems and challenges but keep moving forward. When you worry, you also see problems and challenges but get stuck in them. There is no moving forward.

Concern does not need to become worry

So if our goal is to say goodbye to worry, how do we stop concern from morphing into worry? Is there a line between them? I believe so. And we must recognize when we have crossed that line.

To give an example, let’s say you had a fight and your spouse threatened divorce (this is a no-no in marital fighting!). The fight was heated, but you eventually worked through it. Apologies were made. Your spouse insisted he did not mean the divorce comment. The heat of the moment led him to say hurtful things.

The next week, another conflict arises and, for a moment, you recall the last fight: “Maybe he does want a divorce…” But you do not dwell on that thought and decide to deal with the present conflict. Once again, the two of you work through the conflict. Nothing about divorce was mentioned this second time. But then you revisit the thoughts you had a fight ago: “Maybe he was thinking about divorce and did not say it. He probably wants out of the marriage. What else is he not telling me?”

Your thoughts have now moved from normal concern to worry. Your “mind-reading” is causing you to feel distressed and think your relationship is in trouble. Rather than ask about that past comment, you fret over what could be real or unreal. The mental gymnastics of worry begin!

Something negative from the past is not a problem as long as you do not dwell on it and assume it will repeat. Worry is created when negative thinking sticks around long after the fact.

So in the example above, there was concern about the divorce comment, but that comment was over and done, a thing of the past. However, resurrecting the negative thought brought worry to the relationship.

Now, if you were bothered by the potential meaning of the divorce comment (was it careless, intended, a way to provoke, or something else?), then the proactive strategy would be to ask your spouse if he meant what he said, because it was hurtful and raised doubt in your mind. This is an action step and a way for you to take control over those potentially worrisome thoughts. With no move to action, the comment can take on a life of its own and turn to worry.

When we take apart the above example, we notice two things:

Something from the past was revisited and resurrected.
The negative was assumed, and the person operated in doubt instead of clarifying the comment (a problem-solving skill).
Concern moved to worry through revisiting the past and assuming the negative.

Here is another example. Jennifer noticed she was gaining weight. Her pants felt tight and she was eating when bored. Jennifer was concerned about the weight gain so she decided to make a behavioral change. When she felt bored, she worked crossword puzzles instead of eating. This activity distracted her. Concern about weight gain moved her to action and pushed her to make a plan and take control over an area of her behavior that felt out of control.

Jennifer could easily have moved her concern to worry. Here is how. She could focus her thoughts on how difficult it is to lose weight. After all, she has failed many diets and gained weight in the past. She could obsess on past dieting failures and also on how difficult it will be to break the current habit of eating when bored. What if she fails again? What is she does not lose weight? She will not be able to fit in her clothes. Her pants are already tight. This is depressing. Anxiety rises and she feels hopeless about doing anything. There is no moving forward because she is stuck in anxiety.

Basically, Jennifer is now circling the problem, becoming immobilized and doing no problem-solving. She allows distress to distract her from planning any helpful strategies. Her focus on past failures feeds worry.

Can we be concerned about events, issues, and people in our lives? Absolutely. Can we cry out to God about our concerns and feel deeply emotional? Certainly. King David did so regularly, as documented in the Psalms. Concern and catharsis are not worry. Worry goes beyond concern and catharsis and leads to a host of problems. In a word, worry looks backward and revisits failure and looks forward and assumes the worse.

Fear, a close relative to worry

Worry is often associated with fear. As with worry and concern, there is a difference between worry and fear. Consider this. If we are swimming in the warm Gulf waters and someone yells, “Shark!” fear is our natural response. Fear is a warning system built into our bodies as a natural reaction to danger. The danger is specific, timely, comes and goes quickly, and sharpens our senses. It is healthy to feel fear in the midst of a shark sighting. Fear acts like an alarm and often prompts us to action—in this case, swim as fast as you can and get out of the water!

Worry deals with what might happen and is a type of manufactured fear. So, for example, worry is when we again take a swim in the Gulf. There is no shark danger this time, but we worry that there could be. The entire time we swim, we feel anxious, thinking something bad could happen even though there is no evidence of it.

In this case, worry develops by thinking that danger could be hiding in those waters. In other words, worry takes fear and adds what if…to our thinking. Our thoughts move from the present reality to the possibility of danger. Although there is no present danger, we act and think as if there is. Worry remembers a time when a shark sighting happened and assumes it could happen right now. This resurrects fear.

Fear is often at the heart of worry. It motivates us to begin the what if cycle of worry. What if a shark is hiding? What if I get caught in the water? What if I cannot swim fast enough? What if no one sees me in trouble? And so on. Worry takes a real threat or a perceived danger (fear) and turns it into a way to focus on the uncertainty of the future: You could get hit by a car, struck by lightning, lose your money in the stock market, and so on ad infinitum. While fear can be traced back to a specific event or experience, worry is vague and ill defined.

In an article for Psychology Today, psychiatrist Dr. Edward Hallowell, a former Harvard professor, described worry as “a special form of fear.” He explained that simple fear becomes more complex once we add anticipation, memory, imagination, and emotion to the mix. This “special form of fear” consumes both time and energy and threatens our mental and physical health. He was right. When you break down worry, fear is usually behind the scene. And that fear can translate to worry when we allow our thinking, emotions, and imagination to take us there.

Worry and anxiety

You may also think that worry is not all that different from anxiety. I believe there is a difference, but it is a matter of degree and complexity. Anxiety has physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral components to it. When we are anxious, our heart races, palms sweat, blood pressure rises, and pupils dilate. Mentally, anxiety involves negative self-talk and negative automatic thoughts. Behaviorally, anxiety causes us to avoid or escape situations.

Worry could be thought of as the mental part of anxiety. It is a type of negative self-talk that promotes negative possibilities. It goes beyond normal thoughts of danger and threat and becomes a form of self-harassment that keeps us stuck and distressed.

Worry triggers anxiety arousal in the body. And when this arousal remains for a period of time, it can result in health problems, procrastination, relationship stress, and more. Like fear, chronic anxiety creates stress on the body and can get in the way of everyday living. On top of that, it steals our joy.

If unchecked, worry can lead to a host of anxiety-related disorders. When it becomes a way of life and involves multiple areas of living, it can develop into a generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Health anxiety, or hypochondria, develops when benign body signs are interpreted as potential illness. Worry that takes the form of self-criticism, guilt, feelings of incompetence and helplessness, or pessimism can lead to depression disorders. Obsessive thoughts followed by compulsive behavior that is intrusive and frightening are what characterizes obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Panic is felt when worry involves a loss of control and fear. After a trauma, worry about more danger and flashbacks of the trauma can develop into posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Worry about embarrassment and social performance can intensify to a point of developing social anxiety or a social phobia. Finally, fear regarding an object or thing can turn in to a specific phobia like being afraid of dogs, spiders, or heights.

Here is the challenge. Understand that your body reacts to normal situations of fear and anxiety, but do not allow fear or anxiety to linger, like a dysfunctional friend. Become aware of worried thoughts before they become a chronic problem that is fear-based or anxiety-producing. Know the difference between worry and concern, between fear and anxiety. Do not allow worry to lead you to a state of anxiety and fear. The rest of this book will help you to achieve these aims.

Worry-Free Exercise

Body:

Check for physical tension. Do you have any of the physical signs of anxiety such as a racing or pounding heart, sweaty palms, difficulty breathing, stomach upset, frequent urination, diarrhea, muscle tension, headaches, fatigue, or insomnia? Be aware of your body and the physical sensations that creep in with stress, anxiety, fear, and worry.

Soul:

List your concerns—those things that bother you and could potentially become areas of worry. Using the table on page 21 (the differences between worry and concern), go through each concern and determine:

Is this a concern, or has it turned into a worry?
Is this concern something that is in or out of my
control?
If it is in my control, what am I doing about it?
If it is not in my control, can I allow it to be that way without worrying?

Your goal is to empty this list by the end of the book.

Spirit:

Take your concerns to God. Meditate on Deuteronomy 31:8:

The Lord himself goes before you
and will be with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Note: If you feel you have excessive worry or worry to the point that it interferes with your everyday living, consider seeing a mental-health therapist trained in treating anxiety disorders. An evaluation can help determine if your worry has become anxiety. Anxiety disorders are treatable. There is help.